Let’s talk about people skills. And let’s use stats in this episode to improve them.

Has it ever happened with you that people tend to quite often disappoint you right after you’ve just appreciated them?

Either it has, or you don’t appreciate the people in your life often enough. 🙂

In this episode of The Unlearning Playground Podcast, I talk about one powerful tip on better understanding this dynamic of dealing with people using a statistical fact that goes by the name regression to the mean.

Stay with me till the end of this episode to actually improve upon your people skills multifold.

Do I deliver on the promises?
Only one way to find out.
Dig right in.

Until next time.
Peace out.

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People skills are an important part of any job we humans do.

Now that’s another advantage our brand new toys, the AI bots, would have over us.

For the time being, of course.

People skills, in fact, play a fundamental role in all aspects of our lives, not just our jobs.

Being a good parent, a worthy partner, a dear friend, a reachable relative, a loving sibling, a caring child – we get better at all of these and many more roles we play in our everyday lives if we are good at our people skills.

And one thing I usually find fundamentally lacking in a lot of people is the ability to understand other people around them and also to understand the bigger picture concerning the situation around them.

This was the key motivation to stitch together this particular episode of The Unlearning Playground podcast.

It was a difficult episode to design, because I wanted to cover a rather tough concept in a manner that’s easy to understand and at the same time, I wanted to be a bit esoteric too so as to help put forward a contrarian point of view, something that I consider to be a hallmark of my content.

The thread I pull on, in this episode, is of understanding and reading our expectations from people around us better.

And to build on it, I use the concept of “regression to the mean”

Regression to the mean is a well known statistical fact. Well known of course only in circles that study and/or use mathematics regularly. And well understood only in circles that love it. Each of these circles only keeps getting smaller and smaller.

I personally think that it is one of those facts of nature that can be used to explain a whole lot of things not concerning maths per se, but concerning our everyday lives in general.

It helps to explain why, even though rewarding people for improved performance works better than punishing them for not doing so well, we lack the motivation to appreciate when people around us do good but never need an external push to voice our disappointments.

It helps to provide a better and a more practical explanation for stuff like jinxes or that hindi version of them – “nazar lag gai“.

I think it’s time you get going to the playground. This is easily one of the most impactful episodes I have done on the podcast so far, and I know there are better ones coming.

You can catch up on all the episodes from our playlist here.

For this current episode, get into it here.

Unselfing – what a term, isn’t it? I think there’s something about that prefix – “un”. Letting go, unlearning, unselfing.

Ours is the time of the ego – rampant, self-indulgent ego. Selfies, personalised feeds, personalised ads, personalised everything – almost all good products, but almost all terrible if left unchecked or unsupervised.

And isn’t that true for our times? We have let the idea of our “selves” go too far – far more than we ourselves can handle it. And that is impacting not just our public discourse and our politics, but also our relationships and our everyday lives as we speak.

However, we also live in the time of Understanding – a fully encompassing, discerning Understanding. And one core precursor to that Understanding is a detachment from the cobweb of the self, of the ego.

Which is where I bring to you the idea of “Unselfing”.

I came across this term in a very recent article a friend had shared with me. All the details to the article and the author are below in the show notes. It is a must read, just as this episode is a must listen. 😛

Well, let’s catch up in the playground.

Until next time.

Peace out.

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Or listen on the custom player below

“Last night I lost the world, and gained the universe.”

C. JoyBell C.

That, to me, sums up the utility of that age-old idea of letting go.

When I first came across the article I have talked about in this episode, the words immensely resonated with me. It was probably the first time ever that I heard the word unselfing, but the 2-3 minute read was quite enough to get the idea across. And also the overall utility of it. And let me tell you, it’s not a new idea either. Eastern philosophical traditions such as the Advaita Vedanta, Zen Buddhism, etc have focussed on nothing but, at the core of their teachings and messaging.

However, in the times we’re living in, the idea is more relevant than ever. Our modern modes of living – all the personalised feeds, all the selfies, all the personalised ads – are contributing to strengthening the ego, to strengthening the separation that is the basis of the ego.

And while the ego is an important mechanism of the functioning of the human organism, it is a terrible master. And that, more than anything, is an absolutely striking reality of our time. To quote the article (only a teaser):

"Somewhere along the way, in the century of the self, we forgot each other. We forgot this vast and wonder-filled universe, of which we are each but a tiny and transient wonder."
- Maria Popova (unselfing.social)

The central idea should not be something alien to someone who’s familiar with my work. Quite a number of my podcast episodes have been directed to this very same idea. For a refresher, here are a few episodes that you could check out as a sister content to this episode and this article I talked about here.

Well, enough said and done. I’d recommend you to get into the episode and give it a listen. A narration of the article is included in the episode itself, but if you wish to read it beforehand, here’s a link to it again – unselfing.social by Maria Popova

The entire episode is only an 11 minute listen. And it’s absolutely worth it.

I’ll see you in the playground.

To more unlearning and more unselfing.

Until next time.

Peace out.

Everyone goes through the highs and lows of life – no matter what social situation they’re in, no matter how much privilege others perceive in their life situation, life has its highs and lows for everyone.

By their very definition, the low phases of life are more difficult to navigate for us. Join me in this episode as I talk about a few general dos and don’ts during such times.

Of course, any specific advice has to be tailored to the individual situation at hand, but my aim here is to cover a few general principles that form the bedrock of a lot of subjective advice that everyone can benefit from.

I’ll see you in the playground.

Until next time.

Peace out.

Check it out on your platform of choice.

Or listen on the custom player below

When Jimmy Kimmel, host of the popular late night American TV show Jimmy Kimmel Live, hosted Anthony Hopkins, he asked him a question that really stuck a chord with me. Anthony was close to 80 years old at the time, and Jimmy asked him if there is a single piece of advice he would like to share with the audience based on the sheer amount of time he has spent on the planet!

And Anthony Hopkins, very easily replied back saying, “Just keep going. Never give up.“

How beautiful, right? And how powerful! Especially in terms of the topic we’re talking about in this episode – depression help and suicide prevention.

You see, all of us have low phases in our lives. If you’ve lived long enough, you know that to be true. All of our lives are akin to sine waves – they have ups and downs, crests and troughs. The low phases, by their very definition, are more difficult to navigate for all of us. And in the lowest of our low phases, the thought of simply ending it all and just giving up can seem to be a viable option – or worse yet, can seem to be the only option at times.

It is at these situations when we need to exercise our conscious choice to not act on such thoughts, and rather, just keep going. Because no matter what, the sine curve does come back up. It has to. And if you are at the lowest of your lows, it can’t get any worse – it’s going to only get better.

And even if you don’t believe that last bit, acting as if that’s the case is a much better choice than not.

In this episode of my podcast, I talk about three general dos and don’ts for depression help and suicide prevention. The core aim, if there is one, for this episode, is to propagate the idea that there is a better choice available than ending it all – there always is.

Having said all that I said in this episode and on this page, I still feel that any real help and advice we need in those tough low phases of our lives have to be specific to our particular life situations and not simply based out of a motivational quote or an inspiring piece of literature someone’s read. So, if you or anyone you know is in need of such advice, I know I can help. All the details for getting in touch with me personally, even if for a single one-time call and other nuances, are available on the talk-to-me page.

I think I’ll end this page with another one of those beautiful quotes that can be life-changing if you let them.

“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.”

Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men